I
thought this was funny so I decided to post it. It is a letter from a Nyatsi
(girlfriend) to a wife of the man they are both sharing. Warning! Do ignore the grammar and language errors;
they are inconsequential to the content of the letter.
Open letter to wife from Nyatsi
Firstly, I don't want this to seem like I don't respect
the boundaries of marriage, but as a Nyatsi, this is my point of view....
Ladies, we don't intentionally go hunting for your
husbands, we meet them like you meet other people on daily basis, through
friends, at the supermarket, at work functions etc.
We don't always know from the beginning that these men are married, because a lot of these
‘brothers’ don't wear their rings or come with a stamp on their forehead saying
"I am taken". Most time he's alone, and there's no trace of you, even
in his car!
It takes a well trained eye to spot traces of another
woman, e.g. perfume, weave strands, hair oil on the headrest, etc., but my job
in your relationship is to give him a break from reality. Yes! You and the kids
are real, and so are the bills, school fees and work stress. I am where he de-stresses himself.
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| Source: Google image |
I know my place, trust me I do. I always keep quiet whenever
you call, and he is with me. I know that I should not spend his credit card,
but to ask for cash. I do these in order to protect you from pain, humiliation
and suffering.
I get a tired frustrated man, and send you a well rested
happy man, thank me, don't disrespect me for it!
Calling me names won't change the fact that my clothes are
expensive and my car is paid off. It won't change the fact that my university
fees are paid. Swearing at me won't change the fact that he grips my headboard
when he rocks my world, and screams like a baby, off course, that is something you
probably don't even know about the man you married.
Trust me, the more you come after me, the more he wants me,
the more money he spends on me, and the more intense sessions we would have.
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| Source: Google image |
A true Nyatsi will never ask him to leave you; instead
she encourages him to stay with you, even if you have messed up badly. Nyatsi never
consider getting pregnant out of fear of having to deal with your sour face for
the rest of our lives.
Consider yourself lucky if you find my number, at least you
know that he's taken care of when you are tired, and he will come right back to
you once we are done re-furbishing my apartment.
Trust me when I say this, I do the fighting for us. It’s
my job to make sure that he keeps only you and I, any other ‘unwelcome guest’ will
be dealt with severely by me, so don't ruin your manicure on silly fight.
I respect you to stay away from family functions, and
make sure I take all my stuff out of the car without traces. I don't call after
he's left the office because I know it’s your turn to have him.
My advice to you "mama'se khaya," is that you
should stay in your home. You don’t need to pack your stuff and go tell your
mom how you failed at being a wife. It will just make you look stupid and weak,
and our man needs strong women around him.
Look after your kids, tend to your home. Cook those
hearty meals you so famous for, because I can't cook with these nails.
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| Source: Google image |
Don't ask about me, he's just going to lie and toss and
turn in bed thinking about me in my Victoria
secret set he bought for me on valentine day. Let me be, I will leave
on my own accord one day, else, I might trade my place with you, and you would say
"Izinto zabantu" meaning
that I had consulted a sangomas. Let
us be clear, I don’t do sangomas. I will
rather spend the money for sangomas on
expensive holidays with our man.
I make him feel good. I am a reminder of when he was
younger, and I do all the things you are afraid to do, or just won't do because
you are already ageing. I am forever
young, and I compliment him
Once again, you should know that I respect your marriage,
and that's why I am doing my part to help yours stay together. I love your kids
too much to hurt them, so please don't cry over me, or what I do with our man.
In conclusion, just play your
part and I will do what I'm supposed to do.
Yours Nyatsi,
No name
NB: The wife will respond next week.
