Wednesday, 22 January 2020

Be your own best friend




I’ve been stabbed in the back by those I needed most,

I’ve been lied to by those I love,

And I have felt alone when I couldn’t afford to be,

But at the end of the day I had to learn to be my own best friend,

Because there is going to be days where no-one is going to be 

there for me, but by myself.


NB: How many times have you been stabbed in the back by people who claim to love you?

Sunday, 19 January 2020

It’s a new year: Take a positive plunge


Hebrew 12:1 encourages us to “run with endurance the race that is set before us.” The running of a race provides an exciting illustration of faith. The runner jumps at the starting gun, even though she/he cannot be sure of a win. But one thing is certain. The person who does not start can never win!


This means that every starter is a winner. The losers are those who never tried. If you need to be sure that you will win, if you need to be confident of success before you make a commitment, then you are not walking the walk of faith.

I need you to know that it is the element of uncertainty that adds excitement to life. The predictable always produces boredom. The element of the unpredictable always generates the interest and involvement of spectator and participant alike.

So the person who walks the walk of faith is alive and is keeping others alive, speculating on his /her success with the hope of winning.


God promises are not offered to the “play-it-safe” spectator in the stands, but to the “let’s-take-a-chance” player in the middle of the game. The question is: Which one of the two are you?


My advice is for you to take a positive plunge. Step on the starting line, put both hands to the ground. Step up on tiptoe, and look ahead at the course, then, run 2020 race with vigour and eagerness. This time, don’t be a spectator in the stands, but be a contestant.



Tuesday, 12 November 2019

Remember this when you’re feeling taken for granted



The blog post you’re about to read is originally published by Toby Hazlewood in The Startup, Medium’s largest entrepreneurship publication. It speaks to a topic I had in mind, so I thought to myself, why do I need to reinvent the wheel when it’s already invented by someone else? Enjoy…

Source: Poetryfoundation.org


One of the biggest gifts of learning to come out of my early twenties was a realisation of how much I dislike being taken for granted. It was a phase with a great many significant events; a career peppered with booms and busts characteristic of the dot.com era, financial impudence and imprudence, parenthood in my early twenties and marriage and divorce before the age of 30.

I learned many things about myself. That I hate being taken for granted was a big one.

I’m not particularly hung up on being shown gratitude. I appreciate good manners, but I’ve only really learned in my forties the genuine power and meaning of gratitude in life and I don’t think ingratitude from others is the issue. I’ve demonstrated a desire to serve, to please and to do more for others than I expect in return, throughout life. I’m certainly no saint, but I’ve never expected others to do things for me in order to justify me doing something for them. In fact, I’m terrible at taking help (and especially bad at asking for it).

The adverse feelings manifest when I feel that my interests, opinions and modest requests I make of others aren’t taken seriously or are paid lip-service without apparent concern. The anger strikes when my reasonable needs and desires aren’t seemingly treated as credible or serious.
When there’s an imbalance or an injustice, that’s when I feel agitated.
Is it because I’m too easy-going? Too accommodating? Compliant? A pushover? Who can say?

“Being taken for granted is an unpleasant but sincere form of praise. Ironically, the more reliable you are and the less you complain, the more likely you are to be taken for granted.”

-Gretchen Rubin

It’s a lesson that has stuck with me over the years. It’s also provided invaluable opportunities to learn through reflecting on its implications and its causes. I’ve learned a great deal about myself through this process and I’ve learned much about others and how I interact with them too.

I’m taken for granted when my good-deeds and good-will are taken as read, when it’s just assumed that I’ll act with generosity and compliance regardless of whether expectations of others are reasonable or deserved. It grinds me down when others seem to feel that my efforts are exerted without personal sacrifice, or without any cost or pain on my part and hence don’t need to be acknowledged, appreciated or reciprocated.

I suppose in this sense I do feel hard done by when there is no quid-pro-quo.

What does this really say about me? Is it wrong to feel cheated when I see no or little pay-back from my efforts, or am I entitled to feel this way?

A kindness should be its own reward and yet to give and to serve others selflessly is often treated as the preserve of those spiritual beings who have given themselves and their lives over entirely to the service of others. Their purpose is to bring about the betterment of mankind at the expense of almost everything else. Is this what it takes to negate the need for acknowledgment of one’s efforts? Is this what’s required to bypass the gnawing annoyance when your kindnesses and requests go ignored?

Balance
In most, if not all aspects of life we’re in it for the returns on our efforts. We say “I love you” in anticipation of a reciprocal response. We pay a fair price in expectation of a fair exchange of value. We reward our kids for good behaviour and we’re similarly rewarded for an honest day’s work with an honest day’s pay.


                                                              Source: paintingvalley.com

Life is interlaced with such exchanges, and the balance of humanity is maintained through fair and proportionate responses to the inputs. When one side of the equation is lacking, everything feels out of balance.

The wider implications of this extend even further. As a parent I now see that it underpins many of the lessons I’ve attempted to teach to my offspring and I must have learned it myself as a kid.

It’s the essence of the cause and effect nature of life. The way you treat others manifests itself in the way that others treat you. The efforts you put in (whether towards school-work, on the sports field or in practice of your chosen hobbies) will yield results in direct proportion. This accounts for the feelings of injustice when kids put in a particularly comprehensive piece of work, only to feel that their efforts are overlooked in favour of one of their peers whose work they perceive as inferior. Perhaps this explains why kids who repeatedly raise their hands in class feel that the teacher favours their classmates who are always given the opportunity to speak.

Kids learn early-on that the reward for their efforts will normally reflect the efforts they’ve put in and they feel rightly cheated when this doesn’t play out.

Maybe my dislike of my efforts being taken for granted is more deep rooted than I thought?

“Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.” - Mark Twain

In our work we carry forward the same conditioning, the same sense of right and wrong. We bring equivalent expectations of reward in proportion to our efforts. The unjust promotions and the biased recognition that our colleagues receive is inequitable. The successes of our competitors seems unjust. The customers who are ambivalent or unresponsive to our diligent efforts at sales and service, prompt those familiar feelings in us; “it’s not fair” wails our inner-child.

We reasonably assume that by following a prescribed system or taking the necessary actions then we’re justified in expecting the same results as others who have been there before us. It’s easy to forget though that there are many other variables and factors outside of our control, the environmental factors and the input, influence and whims of the other humans in the equation that each determine how our efforts are received and the responses that will come. It’s too big and complex a system to think that we can predict the outcome solely based on what we do, and that goes for relationships, work and every aspect of our lives.


Moving onwards

So given that I want to move forwards and grow through life, I need a different tactic for when I feel taken for granted. I have a choice whether to feel embittered and unappreciated or I can take it as a reminder that I can only influence one side of the equation. Within my control is the efforts and gestures I put in, the actions I take and the things that I say and do. I cannot influence how they’re received, nor can I shape the responses that come back.


I’ve no desire to withhold the gestures and kindnesses that I extend to those I love and others who I simply want to connect with or help. There’s no appeal to me in being caught in a Mexican-standoff of good-will. In such a confrontation I’m proud to be the first to pull the trigger of positive action.


I want to feel free to give and contribute positively to the world, in my relationships, in my work and in my daily life without expectation of or need for appreciation. Attaining this level of selflessness is critical for living a positive life, connecting with and enriching the lives of others and achieving significance and success in my chosen endeavours as a result.


And as I strive to this end, I must remember that the good deed is its own reward, whether it’s recognised and appreciated or not.
Until next time, stay safe.

Friday, 11 August 2017

The meaning of life

A man died...

In his death he saw God coming closer with a suitcase in his hand, and a dialog ensued between God and Dead Man. Read the dialogue below:


God:  Alright son, it’s time to go

Man: So soon? I had a lot of plans...

God:  I am sorry but, it’s time to go

Man: What do you have in that suitcase?

God:  Your belongings

Man: My belongings? You mean my things... Clothes... money...

God:  Those things were never yours, they belong to the Earth

Man: Is it my memories?

God:  No. They belong to Time

Man: Is it my talent?

God:  No. They belong to Circumstance

Man: Is it my friends and family?

God:  No son. They belong to the Path you travelled

Man: Is it my wife and children?

God:  No. they belong to your Heart

Man: Then it must be my body

God:  No! No! It belongs to Dust

Man: Then surely it must be my Soul!

God:  You are sadly mistaken son. Your Soul belongs to me.

Man with tears in his eyes and full of fear took the suitcase from the God's hand and opened it...

Empty!!!

With a broken heart and tears down his cheek he asks God...

Man: I never owned anything?

God:  That’s Right. You never owned anything.

Man: Then? What was mine?

God: Your MOMENTS ON EARTH.
Every moment you lived was ‘yours’.


Do Good in every moment
Think Good in every moment
Thank God for every moment
Life is just a Moment.

Live it.
Love it.
Enjoy it.

Keep well until next time

Tuesday, 11 July 2017

This is what that tiny pocket in your jeans is actually for


Today’s post has nothing to do with the Bible, rather I chose to post this piece out of curiosity in order to answer why there’s a tiny pocket in your pair of jeans…enjoy!

levistraus.com

Have you ever wondered about that little pocket within a pocket that most jeans have? As it turns out, it’s not totally useless. Let’s take a trip back in time to the Wild West…

 
The first jeans had four pockets: one back pocket, two in front and that little one half hidden in one of the front pockets.

That pocket originated in the days of the Wild West in America, when no man worth his salt would be caught without a pocket watch. The little pocket was developed to house and protect his prize time-keeper.
Pocket watches came and went but the little pocket remained. Today it’s known as an outpost pocket, condom pocket, coin pocket or matchbox pocket.

It’s believed that this pocket will remain a feature of jeans design until the day these popular pants no longer exist.
Some other fun facts you probably didn’t know… 

·         Levi Jeans owns copyright on the specific orange colour of the cotton used to finish their jeans.

·         Initially rivets (the little metal fasteners used reinforce the pocket corners and at the bottom of the button fly) were used on all the pockets, but they damaged horse saddles so they were removed from the back pockets.

·         Before rivets were used on jeans, they were used to strengthen stress points on horse blankets.

·         The first label used on an item of clothing was a red flag beside the back pocket of Levi Strauss jeans.

·         Limbo, a boutique in New York, were first to prewash new jeans to give them a weathered look. This style became a hit.

·         In the 1950s jeans were forbidden in schools, theatres and restaurants in America because they were associated with rebellion against conformity.

·         The jeans of male factory workers had a zip fastener in front and those of women workers had one on the side.

·         American soldiers who wore jeans when off duty during World War II did much to popularise them outside America.

·         It requires 37 different needlework processes to make a pair of Levi 501s.

·         The name “denim” comes from a sturdy material that originally came from Nîmes in France.

 Sources: levistraus.com, historyofjeans.com, newscom.au



Friday, 30 June 2017

STOP BLAMING OTHER PEOPLE FOR YOUR FAILURES

Warning: this piece may not make sense to readers who are not familiar with bible stories.

Noah built the ark by faith but, he used measurements. That means there is a place for rational thinking in our walk of faith, and not all decisions should be made with blind hope! 

Sarah's pregnancy was a miracle, but it took nine months just like any other woman would carry her pregnancy. That means God's plans do not negate the importance of process. You need to wait or work it out.

The stone that killed Goliath might have been anointed, but David's skill was also involved. Making efforts to developing your skills does not mean you are not anointed. For example, if you play a piano, play it to the fullest. Don't take your audience through the agony of listening to your cacophony in the name of "singing to the Lord".
Skills are important. There is nothing rude with telling that brother /sister "you can't sing, find something else to do in the house of God".

Esther received favour to become a Jewish queen of the Persian king Ahasuerus, but she also bathed and prepared her appearance. That shows that preparation is vital to becoming fit for the occasion.  You need to make yourself ready for your expectations. For instance, get knowledge, go to school. Stop blaming others for your failures because you did not prepare for the opportunity you’ve been expecting your whole life.

Queen Esther (1879) by Edwin Long

The Promised Land was full of milk and honey, but they also had to plow, feed cattle, and take care of sheep. Miracles are communication tools that God uses to instil trust, faith and the knowledge of his nature. You need to work, don't expect miracles in a specific area of your life all the time. No one pays rent for a full year with miracle money. We need it, we want it, but God wants what is permanent meaning you must work to earn a living. Stop hoping for miracle for everything, even what you can do with your own hands.


Ruth received favour to marry Boaz in the bible, but the coaching of Naomi was necessary. Human coaching is necessary, you need to submit and learn from someone. It will spare you from silly mistakes.

Cheers

Wednesday, 25 May 2016

HAPPY AFRICA DAY


I thought I should re-post this epic speech by former president Thabo Mbeki  at the adoption of the The Republic of South Africa Constitution Bill titled  I am an African...Enjoy

8 May 1996, Cape Town

 

I am an African.

I owe my being to the hills and the valleys, the mountains and the glades, the rivers, the deserts, the trees, the flowers, the seas and the ever-changing seasons that define the face of our native land.

My body has frozen in our frosts and in our latter day snows. It has thawed in the warmth of our sunshine and melted in the heat of the midday sun. The crack and the rumble of the summer thunders, lashed by startling lightening, have been a cause both of trembling and of hope.

The fragrances of nature have been as pleasant to us as the sight of the wild blooms of the citizens of the veld.

The dramatic shapes of the Drakensberg, the soil-coloured waters of the Lekoa, iGqili noThukela, and the sands of the Kgalagadi, have all been panels of the set on the natural stage on which we act out the foolish deeds of the theatre of our day.

At times, and in fear, I have wondered whether I should concede equal citizenship of our country to the leopard and the lion, the elephant and the springbok, the hyena, the black mamba and the pestilential mosquito.

A human presence among all these, a feature on the face of our native land thus defined, I know that none dare challenge me when I say - I am an African!

I owe my being to the Khoi and the San whose desolate souls haunt the great expanses of the beautiful Cape - they who fell victim to the most merciless genocide our native land has ever seen, they who were the first to lose their lives in the struggle to defend our freedom and dependence and they who, as a people, perished in the result.

Today, as a country, we keep an audible silence about these ancestors of the generations that live, fearful to admit the horror of a former deed, seeking to obliterate from our memories a cruel occurrence which, in its remembering, should teach us not and never to be inhuman again.

I am formed of the migrants who left Europe to find a new home on our native land. Whatever their own actions, they remain still, part of me.

In my veins courses the blood of the Malay slaves who came from the East. Their proud dignity informs my bearing, their culture a part of my essence. The stripes they bore on their bodies from the lash of the slave master are a reminder embossed on my consciousness of what should not be done.

I am the grandchild of the warrior men and women that Hintsa and Sekhukhune led, the patriots that Cetshwayo and Mphephu took to battle, the soldiers Moshoeshoe and Ngungunyane taught never to dishonour the cause of freedom.

My mind and my knowledge of myself is formed by the victories that are the jewels in our African crown, the victories we earned from Isandhlwana to Khartoum, as Ethiopians and as the Ashanti of Ghana, as the Berbers of the desert.

I am the grandchild who lays fresh flowers on the Boer graves at St Helena and the Bahamas, who sees in the mind`s eye and suffers the suffering of a simple peasant folk, death, concentration camps, destroyed homesteads, a dream in ruins.

I am the child of Nongqause. I am he who made it possible to trade in the world markets in diamonds, in gold, in the same food for which my stomach yearns.

I come of those who were transported from India and China, whose being resided in the fact, solely, that they were able to provide physical labour, who taught me that we could both be at home and be foreign, who taught me that human existence itself demanded that freedom was a necessary condition for that human existence.

Being part of all these people, and in the knowledge that none dare contest that assertion, I shall claim that - I am an African.

I have seen our country torn asunder as these, all of whom are my people, engaged one another in a titanic battle, the one redress a wrong that had been caused by one to another and the other, to defend the indefensible.

I have seen what happens when one person has superiority of force over another, when the stronger appropriate to themselves the prerogative even to annul the injunction that God created all men and women in His image.

I know what if signifies when race and colour are used to determine who is human and who, sub-human.

I have seen the destruction of all sense of self-esteem, the consequent striving to be what one is not, simply to acquire some of the benefits which those who had improved themselves as masters had ensured that they enjoy.

I have experience of the situation in which race and colour is used to enrich some and impoverish the rest.

I have seen the corruption of minds and souls as (word not readable) of the pursuit of an ignoble effort to perpetrate a veritable crime against humanity.

I have seen concrete expression of the denial of the dignity of a human being emanating from the conscious, systemic and systematic oppressive and repressive activities of other human beings.

There the victims parade with no mask to hide the brutish reality - the beggars, the prostitutes, the street children, those who seek solace in substance abuse, those who have to steal to assuage hunger, those who have to lose their sanity because to be sane is to invite pain.

Perhaps the worst among these, who are my people, are those who have learnt to kill for a wage. To these the extent of death is directly proportional to their personal welfare.

And so, like pawns in the service of demented souls, they kill in furtherance of the political violence in KwaZulu-Natal. They murder the innocent in the taxi wars.

They kill slowly or quickly in order to make profits from the illegal trade in narcotics. They are available for hire when husband wants to murder wife and wife, husband.

Among us prowl the products of our immoral and amoral past - killers who have no sense of the worth of human life, rapists who have absolute disdain for the women of our country, animals who would seek to benefit from the vulnerability of the children, the disabled and the old, the rapacious who brook no obstacle in their quest for self-enrichment.

All this I know and know to be true because I am an African!

Because of that, I am also able to state this fundamental truth that I am born of a people who are heroes and heroines.

I am born of a people who would not tolerate oppression.

I am of a nation that would not allow that fear of death, torture, imprisonment, exile or persecution should result in the perpetuation of injustice.

The great masses who are our mother and father will not permit that the behaviour of the few results in the description of our country and people as barbaric.

Patient because history is on their side, these masses do not despair because today the weather is bad. Nor do they turn triumphalist when, tomorrow, the sun shines.

Whatever the circumstances they have lived through and because of that experience, they are determined to define for themselves who they are and who they should be.

We are assembled here today to mark their victory in acquiring and exercising their right to formulate their own definition of what it means to be African.

The constitution whose adoption we celebrate constitutes and unequivocal statement that we refuse to accept that our Africanness shall be defined by our race, colour, gender of historical origins.

It is a firm assertion made by ourselves that South Africa belongs to all who live in it, black and white.

It gives concrete expression to the sentiment we share as Africans, and will defend to the death, that the people shall govern.

It recognises the fact that the dignity of the individual is both an objective which society must pursue, and is a goal which cannot be separated from the material well-being of that individual.

It seeks to create the situation in which all our people shall be free from fear, including the fear of the oppression of one national group by another, the fear of the disempowerment of one social echelon by another, the fear of the use of state power to deny anybody their fundamental human rights and the fear of tyranny.

It aims to open the doors so that those who were disadvantaged can assume their place in society as equals with their fellow human beings without regard to colour, race, gender, age or geographic dispersal.

It provides the opportunity to enable each one and all to state their views, promote them, strive for their implementation in the process of governance without fear that a contrary view will be met with repression.

It creates a law-governed society which shall be inimical to arbitrary rule.

It enables the resolution of conflicts by peaceful means rather than resort to force.

It rejoices in the diversity of our people and creates the space for all of us voluntarily to define ourselves as one people.

As an African, this is an achievement of which I am proud, proud without reservation and proud without any feeling of conceit.

Our sense of elevation at this moment also derives from the fact that this magnificent product is the unique creation of African hands and African minds.

Bit it is also constitutes a tribute to our loss of vanity that we could, despite the temptation to treat ourselves as an exceptional fragment of humanity, draw on the accumulated experience and wisdom of all humankind, to define for ourselves what we want to be.

Together with the best in the world, we too are prone to pettiness, petulance, selfishness and short-sightedness.

But it seems to have happened that we looked at ourselves and said the time had come that we make a super-human effort to be other than human, to respond to the call to create for ourselves a glorious future, to remind ourselves of the Latin saying: Gloria est consequenda - Glory must be sought after!

Today it feels good to be an African.

It feels good that I can stand here as a South African and as a foot soldier of a titanic African army, the African National Congress, to say to all the parties represented here, to the millions who made an input into the processes we are concluding, to our outstanding compatriots who have presided over the birth of our founding document, to the negotiators who pitted their wits one against the other, to the unseen stars who shone unseen as the management and administration of the Constitutional Assembly, the advisers, experts and publicists, to the mass communication media, to our friends across the globe - congratulations and well done!

I am an African.

I am born of the peoples of the continent of Africa.

The pain of the violent conflict that the peoples of Liberia, Somalia, the Sudan, Burundi and Algeria is a pain I also bear.

The dismal shame of poverty, suffering and human degradation of my continent is a blight that we share.

The blight on our happiness that derives from this and from our drift to the periphery of the ordering of human affairs leaves us in a persistent shadow of despair.

This is a savage road to which nobody should be condemned.

This thing that we have done today, in this small corner of a great continent that has contributed so decisively to the evolution of humanity says that Africa reaffirms that she is continuing her rise from the ashes.

Whatever the setbacks of the moment, nothing can stop us now!
Whatever the difficulties, Africa shall be at peace!
However improbable it may sound to the sceptics, Africa will prosper!

Whoever we may be, whatever our immediate interest, however much we carry baggage from our past, however much we have been caught by the fashion of cynicism and loss of faith in the capacity of the people, let us err today and say - nothing can stop us now!

Thank you.